| colonel_e | "You're tired 'cos you used all your energy waking up." | Jack Hohman |
| colonel_e | "Hey, did you ever wonder what happends when there's dirt on the 'Bat Signal'? It wouldn't ever look like a bat anymore... maybe they accedentially summon a superhero named 'MISSHAPEN BLOB MAN'. I bet he weighs 900 pounds and comes in the 'Misshapen Blob Mobile'. And the cops go 'AAAAAH! Clean the lens!'. And his music could be the 'Batman' song at about 10 RPM." | DC Simpson |
| colonel_e | "Truth about Santa Claus debunks Santa God. God evolves from Santa." | Gene Ray, TimeCube |
| colonel_e | "This [me] is what happens when you live off of random numbers." | Froehle |
| colonel_e | "He eats every day of every minute!" | Rene Bivings, on Matt Bowes |
| colonel_e | "Paul! This is not Siberia!" | Mr. Britt |
| colonel_e | "Dadams, are you a plant?" | Win Rodgers |
| colonel_e | "Yes, it's only in May every other leap year." | Mr. Hernandez, in response to Tom Carpenter's question "Isn't the cincode mayo in may?" |
| colonel_e | "The vigor of civilized societies is preserved by the widespread sensethat high aims are worth-while. Vigorous societies harbor a certain extravagance of objectives, so that men wander beyond the safe provisionof personal gratifications. All strong interests easily become impersonal, the love of a good job well done. There is a sense of harmony about such an accomplishment, the Peace brought by somethingworth-while." | Alfred North Whitehead, 1963, in "The History of Manned Space Flight" found in a fortune(6) file. |
| colonel_e | "I have a great idea for a horror film. It's about being a meaningless speck in a cold, merciless universe, and stuck on a planet with abunchof idiots. I don't think so. Oh, what, a guy in a hockey mask going 'bleah' is scarier than that?" | D.C. Simpson (16 Nov 2002) |
| colonel_e | "Cats: Nature's entropy generators" | fluffy_grue's .sig on kuro5hin.org |
| colonel_e | "An absolute monarchy is one in which the sovereign does as he pleases so long as he pleases the assassins. Not many absolute monarchies are left, most of them having been replaced by limited monarchies, where the soverign's power for evil (and for good) is greatly curtailed, and by republics, which are governed by chance." | Ambrose Bierce, found in a fortune(6) file. |
| colonel_e | All that is gold does not glitter, Not all those who wander are lost; The old that is strong does not wither, Deep roots are not reached by the frost. From the ashes a fire shall be woken, A light from the shadows shall spring; Renewed shall be blade that was broken, The crownless again shall be king. | J.R.R. Tolkien |
| colonel_e | "Q: If you're paddling upstream in a canoe and a wheel falls off, how many pancakes fit in a doghouse? A: None! Ice cream doesn't have bones!!!" | explodingheadboy's K5 .sig |
| colonel_e | He that breaks a thing to find out what it is has left the path of wisdom. | J.R.R. Tolkein |
| colonel_e | "I am a banana!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" | Joe (sic legatum est) |
| commiebastard | "Shut your festering gob." | Mr. Hernandez on Rendelman |
| commiebastard | "Don't make me crush you." | Mr. Hernandez on Rendelman |
| commiebastard | "I refuse to cry at your funeral." | Mr. Hernandez on Rendelman |
| dadams | "Carpeting? In a locker room???" | Paul |
| dadams | "Hey guys, let's play poker."--Jack "Ok, let's play poke-her."--EBarnes Ethan pokes Paul. Ethan pokes Paul. Ethan pokes Paul. Ethan pokes Paul. "Joke is dead." --Everyone else. | |
| dadams | "Sex is pleasurable." | Mr. Lippe |
| dadams | "I believe that human and fish can co-exist peacefully." | W. |
| dadams | "Dadams, I got a detention for throwing broccoli at Ms. Lane." | Paul |
| dadams | "What does Lewis mean when he says, 'A man breaks away from his parents and joins with his wife'?"--Mr. Lippe "Umm... That parents aren't important?"--Me | |
| shoeless | "Some drag-queens are hot" | Self |
| shoeless | "I voted for the last hot American Idol, Josh Gracin." | Self |
| shoeless | "Hey Joe, you really need to learn how to whisper.""Yeah, you're right, I bet everyone on this train is listening in on our conversation, especially the woman sitting next to me" | Pat to me on the metro during rush hour |
| caffjunkie | I'll cut your cahones off! | Mr.Hernandez to Me |
| caffjunkie | Redwood! | Self |
| caffjunkie | "If Pac-Man affected us as kids, we'd all be running around in darkened rooms, munching magic pills and listening to repetitive electronic music." | Kristian Wilson of Nintendo, Inc |
| caffjunkie | If she's lucky she'll be seeing my O Face....you know...Ohh...ohh...ohh..." | Office Space |
| caffjunkie | "If nobody comes down here and buys a car in the next hour, I'm gonna club this baby seal. That's right. I'm gonna club this seal to make a better deal. You know I'll do it, too, cause I'm crazy." | Car Commerical in UHF |
| barudak | My Grandmother's a woman. | Tim |
| barudak | I don't play with fire...oh wait, I do | Seabrook |
| barudak | Now let me tell you why hooters is evil...it all started back in NAM with those man eating hippos...wait that was yesterday...let me try again... | Mr. Mann |
| barudak | Mis Pantalones son ENFUEGO! | TBarnes |
| dadams | "Ms. Lane, do you have any pants I could wear?" | Self |
| dadams | "At this school, we're all bad... Except for me, of course... Wait, nevermind." | Self to visitor |
| dadams | "Mr. Bowes, was that an sexual inuendo?"--Mr. Kopec "Hehehe... Inyourendo..."--Rest of the class | |
| dadams | "Lesbia, let me subject your delicate thigh to my will." | Bowes, concerning translation of Latin |
| dadams | "Well, you either have 5 minutes or 1 second left." | Mr. Kopec concerning amount of time left in Latin class |
| dadams | "GOD IS A PEDOPHILE!" | Me in religion class today (5 May 2003), after it was stated that Mary, Mother of Jesus, was 13 when Jeebus was concieved... |
| malleovic | "Cheese is NOT orange" | Elliot |
| malleovic | "He's in Excel 'cause he wants to EXCEL!"-Seabrook "You're an idiot"-Rest of Class | |
| malleovic | "He's wrathful about his grapes!" | Self |
| malleovic | "I'm 11/8 Italian!" | Tim |
| malleovic | "Are you a toureest?" | Mrs. Arene |
| malleovic | "Are you een a park?" | Mrs. Arene |
| malleovic | "Are you een de moon?" | Mrs. Arene |
| malleovic | "I am not a canary!" | Mrs. Arene |
| malleovic | "Freelee and company!" | Mrs. Arene |
| dadams | "Damn Christina Aguilera is hot." --Me "Yeah right, she's skanky." --Elliot "Oh wait, here's Elliot's idea of hot..." Types in 'Martha Stewart' into Google image search... --Me | |
| dadams | "That is so cool. Nogaret beat up the pope. When I grow up, I want to do two things. One, threaten a random person in a telephone booth in New York with a sniper rifle from a window in a skyscraper, and two, go to the Vatican and kick the s*** out of the pope." | Self |
| dadams | "Rendelman, I still think you should write love-letters to yourself." | Mr. Hernandez |
| dadams | "You know Dadams, I really wouldn't mind tucking in your shirt, especially the back." | Mr Hernandez to me... I am scarred for life... [You took this the wrong way, Dadams. -E] |
| commiebastard | "I am neither your P Funk nor your G Money" | Mr. Kopec to Tim |
| barudak | There is an I in QUIT! | Self |
| dadams | "Canada is like a loft apartment over a really great party." | Robin Williams |
| malleovic | "Maybe we should switch, Mitchell's erotic pitching would fit with Seabrook's erotic catching!" | Froehle |
| barudak | Ma$e is the greatest musician in the world...EVER! | Parks (from College University) |
| barudak | It seems hitting you in the head has made you better at sports<hits him>...nope, seems to be reversing the process. | Hohman |
| dadams | "Louis IX was well endowed... With a good, stable empire, that is." | Mr. Britt |
| malleovic | "I was hit by the hand of God" | Self |
| dadams | "The luge... What drunk German gynecologist invented that sport? Here's my idea for a sport: I vant to dress like a sperm, shove an ice skate up my ass, and go balls-first down an ice shute. Yah. But how vill you steer? I vill do kagles. I vill flex my ass and go down ze ramp!" | Robin Williams |
| dadams | Hey Adams, go to the whooping shed. | Mr. Murphy |
| dadams | "I been to Memphis; heard people sing songs like, 'Ohhhhh get yer' finger outta' my ass, 'cuz I'm leavin' you behi-ind..." | Robin Williams |
| colonel_e | "I lost my planner. Now I can't plan anything." | Kenny |
| colonel_e | "Now drop down and give me... INFINITY!" -Col. Oates "Bill, I don't think I can do infinity." -Ted | "Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey" |
| colonel_e | "Let me explain. You see, we're both from the moon." | Omega, Elemental Gimmick Gear |
| dadams | "I love nature, I just don't like being out in it." | Bec |
| dadams | "Everybody loves pie!" | Spongebob Squarepants |
| dadams | "Did you ever notice that people could be rocket scientists in the real world but when they get on MSN they turn into inbred hicks from Arkansas?" | GUNS_AND_ROSES_02's profile |
| barudak | "Hey Evil Ted, it's them, they are back from the dead" -Evil Bill "Huh, well I guess that means we get to kill them again" -Evil Ted | Bill and Ted's Bogus Journey |
| barudak | "Eat well, stay fit, die anyway" | Victor, Personal Motto |
| barudak | "I'd love to have your body... in my trunk" | A sign I like |
| barudak | "Whatever I can get away with." | Froehle, Personal Motto |
| barudak | "Pimping Zone, Pimps only. Violators will be bitch-slapped" | Sign |
| dadams | "Tim, you're a piece of work." --Mom "Mom, you're a piece of sh..." --Tim | |
| barudak | "When you die you're dead" | Actual song lyrics |
| dadams | "There are somethings money can buy. For everything else, there is an imagination and an alibi." | Pyrenk's Profile |
| colonel_e | "It rhymed, so it must be true!" | Pete Abrams |
| colonel_e | "Every gun that is made, every warship launched, every rocket fired, signifies in the final sense a theft from those who hunger and are not fed, those who are cold and are not clothed." | President Dwight D. Eisenhower, 16 April 1953 |
| shoeless | "I am the most sexually awkward being." | Tom, my older brother. |
| shoeless | "Hey Tom, truth or dare?" "Truth" "Okay, go have sex with a girl in your room... and I have to watch." | Daniel, age 7, to Tom, age 18. |
| shoeless | "Hey man! I'm the pope, man! And I'm stoned!" | Father |
| shoeless | "Yes Daniel, Jews are great people, they love everyone," said my friend's dad to my little brother. "Really?! Even Chinese people?!" was Daniel's response. | |
| dadams | "I don't see why we have to share our pay with a bunch of mercs." --Yeargar "Because three people and a henchman versus one army results in us going SPLAT." --Artax | Nodwick |
| dadams | "I'm never wrong, I'm just not always right." --Me "I never lose, I just don't always win ." --Me | |
| dadams | "Get away from him, you BIRCH! Naughty lizard-thing! Naughty Begonia-thing! Naughty furry thing with slimy tentacles, death-ray eyes, and cute, fluffy tail!" --Piffany "I guess you don't need fearsome dialogue if you're in two tons of powered armor." --Artax | Nodwick |
| dadams | "I hate the drivers, I HATE THEM, I HATE THEM!!!" | Self to Bec |
| dadams | "Marc, stop breathing. Stop breathing! STOP BREATHING! Are you dead yet? Did you die?" | Tim talking to Bec's brother |
| colonel_e | The Internet Oracle has pondered your question deeply. Your question was: > Oracle most perplexingly brilliant, > Why do you sometimes give me an answer that doesn't match my question > at all? And in response, thus spake the Oracle: } Easy. Move the bishop to c5, and that sets up the mate at f8, with } bishop and rook. } } You owe the Oracle a white knight. | The USENET Oracle, 17 July 2003 |
| caffjunkie | Bob: I don't know about this, George. We don't know the first thing about what goes on in a television station. George Newman: Don't worry, Bob. It's just like working in a fish-market. Except you don't have to clean and gut fish all day. | UHF |
| caffjunkie | Michael: We get caught laundering money, we're not going to white collar resort prison. No, no, no. We're going to Federal 'Pound me in the Ass' prison! | Office Space |
| dadams | "We should get a Mustang." --Me "Who makes Mustang?" --My bro "Ford." --My Mom "Ew, I don't want a Mustang, I hate Ford! I want a Thunderbird." --My Bro "Who makes Thunderbird?" --Me "Ford." --My Mom | |
| dadams | "The 700 Club is a stupid, religious, right-wing show brought to you by that man, Pat Robertson, now turn that shit off before I throw up on your head!" | My Dad at the beach when the show came on TV haha |
| malleovic | "All are called to salvation, but if you don't have a good credit rating go screw yourself you'll burn in hell." | Pastor Richard, local Vice City televangelist. |
| malleovic | "Gangs are a myth, created by the liberal elite to cloud the vision of the working class. I mean, what ordinary youth from a poor family goes around dressed in silly clothes, stealing things?" | Vice City Congressman Alex Shrub (R) |
| dadams | "Knife After Dark, rated 'R' for 'Retarded'." | Movie Ad in Vice City |
| dadams | "The Way of the Squirrel." | Fr. Peter |
| colonel_e | "Insufficient Pie. Insert additional pie credits." | |
| barudak | "You are some big bozos. What school are you from?" "Saint Anselm's" "Oh, then you're the smart bozos." | Dude in Boyle Hall to cross country team |
| colonel_e | "How do you pronounce this name? Froozn... Fah-roozahn...." -Elliot "It's pronounced 'Smith.' " -Paul. | |
| barudak | "Tom, or would you prefer Thomas? (prounounced like the)" "I would prefer Thomas. (pronounced right)" "Okay Thomas. (still mispronounced)" | Mr. Foroozan and Thomas Froehle |
| colonel_e | "Nothing came out of my face!" | Hohman |
| colonel_e | "Country-western singers do not patrol outer space." | Jon, Goats |
| colonel_e | "Learn to math! Are you dumb?" | Overheard in the cafeteria |
| dadams | "Pay me attention!" | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "This class is a little bit disturbing." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "Seabrook, Colin is eating you chair!" | Me to Seabrook |
| dadams | "Are these like 'monkettes' or something?" | Mikey after Dr. Downey played some medieval music sung by nuns |
| dadams | "Never get a position that is responsible for human life, Brooks." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "Am I a good kid?" --Rishi to Dr. Foroozan "No, no you're not." --Dr. Foroozan's response | |
| dadams | "Sood, this is completely, absolutely WRONG!" | Dr. Foroozan to Rishi |
| dadams | "Number's 25 through 30 are all false." --Mr. Lippe "Then why call it True or False? Why not just 'False'?" --T.Barnes | |
| dadams | "... And David brough their foreskins, which were given in full number to the king. ..." | 1 Samuel 18:27 |
| dadams | "We know that from 3 years ago; when you were in kindergarten, or something..." | Dr. Foroozan to class |
| dadams | "Dr. Foroozan, he's (Froehle) talking to me and disrupting my class experience." --Self "Good." --Dr. Foroozan's response | |
| dadams | "I'm sorry I lost your balls Dr. Wood; they were here in my hand, but they just got away from me." | Self to lab group |
| dadams | "P(ee) on the line." | Mr. Taylor |
| dadams | "That's why the girls love me man. Well, if by 'love' I mean not, and by 'girls' I mean shemale prostitutes..." | Schraml |
| barudak | "I call it love, the government calls it 'stalking'." | Schraml |
| colonel_e | cwm n : a steep-walled semicircular basin in a mountain; may contain a lake [syn: cirque, corrie] | dictionary.com |
| colonel_e | "I guess [girls are] just one of those things that nobody will ever understand. Kind of like Swiss Cheese. I mean, how do they get those holes in there?! There's like cheese... and then holes! | Monkey Business |
| colonel_e | "The American future is not only increasingly weird, it's also increasingly parochial. The idea of a non-American tomorrow is growing so inconceivable to the inward-looking country that it is only a matter of time until this country's tomorrow fractures off into its own parallel universe." | John Shirley |
| colonel_e | "Reality is the original Rorschach." | The Principia Discordia |
| dadams | "There are 5 midgets holding up a bank; one of them speaks, the other 4 do not. Which one do you shoot?" --Cop examiner "Uh... The black one!" --Cop examinee "Yes! You are thinking outside the box! Good job!" --Cop examiner | Reno 911 |
| dadams | "That was the funniest part of today's porn." | Anonymous |
| khan | Someone: Did you just lick your hand? Seabrook: Yeah, chalk tastes good. Foroozan: I taste chalk too, chalk tastes great. | |
| khan | Foroozan: How are you all doing on these? Schraml: I'm doing god-awful. Foroozan: Good, keep going! | |
| dadams | "Just name one happy story that starts with, 'So I was setting myself on fire...'" | Rendel |
| dadams | "Let's take this off and violate them." | Dr. Foroozan |
| colonel_e | "I have no life." | Keanu Reeves |
| mr_vorhees | Brian: "How can you die from a fall of a whopping 3 inches?" Kirk: "He's only an inch tall. He's a little short fat guy who eats way too much pizza." | Kids talking about Donkey Kong |
| dadams | "Moving Tip #72: It's okay to curse at heavy furniture." | Budget Moving Van |
| dadams | "Dude, you stole our ass! Give her back!" | Me at this party thing Saturday night |
| puckman | "Is Sasha hot?" | Henry Mallek (who honestly thought Sasha was a girl.) |
| puckman | "Yes, they get a bunch of parrots to cum in this little bowl." | Paul Foreman on the soup. |
| dadams | "The word 'scamper' should not be used ever, unless referring to Kenny, or a group of garden gnomes. And possibly squirrels." | Self |
| puckman | (weird screeching noise) | Ethan Barnes |
| puckman | "Dadams, stop quoting yourself. You're not funny." | Self |
| puckman | "When one donkey talks, the others put their ears down." | Mme. Dantas |
| puckman | "Seabrook's cool!" | McCutcheon |
| puckman | McCutcheon: "Shut up. You'll never have my friends; you'll never have my girlfriend; you'll never have my life." Rest of Class: *hysteric laughter* | |
| khan | "Someone is watching you from afar." | My fortune cookie |
| khan | "The next person who looks at me, I'm gonna go beat his ass." | me, in response to previous |
| dadams | "If I see a word, I'm going to give a detention." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "At least somebody finds my jokes funny." | Me after Colin laughed at a bad one |
| dadams | "I didn't mean that in any way." | Renny to Ms. Pelosi |
| colonel_e | lets just stick to the facts here: * riding your bike is fun. * clear channel sucks. * it's not funny to hit people with a car. * if you think it's funny to hit people with a car, you're a bad person. | mcsweetie, 2 November 2003, Metafilter |
| mr_vorhees | "I am not selling crack from my cubicle!" | Wally, Dilbert |
| mr_vorhees | "Do you ever get tired of being wrong?" -Homer "Sometimes."-Marge | The Simpsons |
| mr_vorhees | "My Daddy shoots people!" | Ralph |
| puckman | "It is a serious level of ignorance." | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "Put your pants on! It's falling!" | Dr. Foroozan to Tom Carpenter |
| dadams | "You know how I know he isn't dead? Because I haven't killed him yet." | Major Konig (Enemy at the Gates) |
| colonel_e | On the subject of quotes that are not amusing or useful in any way... I say that if anybody has a problem with a quote, they should tell the person who posted it. If the two parties agree that the quote is stupid, then the quote should not be added. If, however, the two parties disagree, the choice shall be given to the council to decide in a vote whether the quote should be added or not. Sound okay? | Self |
| colonel_e | "It [Kill Bill] touched me at the core. The very, very violent, sword-wielding ninja core." | Thomas |
| colonel_e | "Personally, I think it [Matrix Revolutions] is a cinematic landmark, as this film is the first time someone has managed to construct a narrative entirely out of plot holes." | Matt, machall.com |
| dadams | "I catch you in the action, you get a detention. That makes a good poem!" | Dr. Foroozan |
| thenuge | "You're NOT FUNNY" | Mrs. Pelosi to none other than Bowes |
| khan | "I'm going to keel you all." | Ms. Arene, discussing test scores |
| khan | "Batman! Batman!" | Ms. Arene, addressing a student |
| khan | "If you don't know it, you gonna die" | Ms. Arene, discussing the preterite/imperfect dichotomy |
| darkhawk | T. Barnes: I have to go get my duck. Dr. Foroozan: Okay. | |
| puckman | "Did you know that WOW potato chips cause anal leakage?" | Ruthie |
| puckman | ZenithofNirvana: thats tru...but i hate it when u need a homework assignment or something and u ask him and he'll give you some fucked up answer like "its the homework that ur mother gave to me last night when she told me to make fuge with ur mommy" ZenithofNirvana: he has a weird obsession with fudge... | Nick talking about Antonio. Also note he cannot spell. |
| shoeless | "Okay, Barnes, pick it up" -Dr. Foroozan "Oh, those are my pubes" -Barnes "Okay, pick it up" -Dr. Foroozan | |
| khan | "Cows eat grass, moo moo moo. Lots of grass, moo moo moo. Nice cow! Eat grass, cow! Cows make milk, moo moo moo. Lots of milk, moo moo moo. Nice cow! Make milk cow!" | Actual Song Lyrics |
| darkhawk | "Opportunity is missed by most people because it is dressed in overalls and looks like work." | Thomas Edison |
| dadams | "Sex is about love between a man and a woman, not a man and a sandwich." | Jerry Seinfeld |
| khan | "Two hundred channels, and nothin' but cats." | Jasper (of "you sunk my battleship" fame) |
| malleovic | "Ben and Paul, they look the same." | Dr. Foroozan. |
| malleovic | "Why'd you send Paul out?"--Dadams(hidden) to Dr.Foroozan "I have my reasons"--Dr. Foroozan, to nobody. | |
| khan | "ELEPHANT CLITORIS." | Paul, in the middle of Geometry class |
| khan | GOMETRY EXAM 3 | Heading on our latest geometry test |
| puckman | "Procrastination is like masturbation: it feels good at the time, but in the end you're only fucking yourself." | Anonymous |
| darkhawk | "Stop! This is my penis tuner!" | Dadams |
| malleovic | "You not know what chinese food is because it all mixed up" | Dr. Foroozan |
| malleovic | "Seabrook, your mother is Chinese?" | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "If I ever find out who's making the noise, I will put a rope around their neck and put them up in that corner!" | Dr. Foroozan concerning my "cow noises" |
| dadams | "Sometimes I seriously wonder why I don't eat small people. They're so annoying and they're just so good." | Colin (he actually said this in all seriousness) |
| dadams | "I write messages on money. It's my own form of social protest. A letter printed on paper that no one will destroy. Passed indisciminately across race, class and gender lines, and written in the blood that keeps the beast alive. A quiet little hijacking on the way to the check-out counter. And a federal crime. I hope that someone will find my message one day when they really need it. Like I do." | Rage Against the Machine, Renegades |
| khan | "I want your body... I want your sweet, hot Estonian ass... my pants are down... my pants are down."Hohman during lunch football | |
| darkhawk | "Let's sing a Britney Spears song!" | Dadams to me in Western Civilization |
| dadams | "Dr. Foroozan, I have a question that will change both our lives forever. Will you marry me?" | Me to F'rooz'n |
| darkhawk | "If I see anyone I give it a detention" | Dr. Faroozon (we all promptly hid under out jackets... he gave someone a detention) |
| khan | Ed: You're taking a big chance here. Frank: I know. You take a chance getting up in the morning, crossing the street, or sticking your face in a fan. Frank: Jane... since I met you I've noticed things that I never even knew were there before--birds singing; dew glistening on a newly formed leaf; stoplights... | from the files of Police Squad |
| darkhawk | I see everyone with one eye. | Dr. Faroozan |
| barudak | "You look like someone you don't, but you do, but you don't, but you really do." | Howard Dean |
| dadams | "My bed has wheels!" *Squeak* | Frog from Greg the Bunny |
| dadams | "Blah, tell Jimmy that your dead wife can't answer him!" | Greg to Blah |
| puckman | "Farshad Foroozan, be quiet!" | Paul, in Geometry on Friday |
| darkhawk | "I have a question about number C." | Evan |
| dadams | "A chickenrooster is what you call someone who does very well at something." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "Don't do that, because hand on mouth make a very disturbing noise." | Dr. Foroozan |
| khan | Alphies: An internet subculture attracted to anthropomorphic letters. They get together, dress up as letters, and then have sex. Excerpt from a fan fic: He stared at B. How could he tell her he loved her? That every fiber of his being wanted her sweet double curves? He was only the letter R. She would laugh at his line segment, she had been with l's, how could he compete with things double his size, and anyways she was way out of his league. But he had to try, in the chance that she felt for him as he felt for her. But then B said something that would change his life... | Froehle's invented fetish |
| khan | "We're sorry to bother you at a time like this, Mrs. Twice... we would have come earlier, but your husband wasn't dead then." | From the files of Police Squad |
| dadams | "And the lines BLAH!" | Dr. Foroozan today in Gometry. |
| puckman | "Peniscopter." | |
| dadams | "Well you see, Geometry is like chicken soup..." | Dr. Foroozan TO MY MOM |
| puckman | "The question is, what was my mom doing up your ass?" | Elliot, in the middle of Physics today |
| malleovic | "Dadams, stop touching Seabrook!" | Mr. Choquette |
| dadams | "He [Renny] needs the best psychologist in the world." | Dr. Foroozan |
| colonel_e | "Canadian dollar up almost a full cent" | Actual Google News Headline |
| darkhawk | "Oh my God, it's Elvis!" | Mr. Choquette to Rishi |
| malleovic | "Leave the classroom and get pinkslip...and...and then....and get pinkslip." | Dr. Foroozan |
| colonel_e | "Computers ARE NOT MEANT TO BE FRIENDLY. They're meant to be complex and intimidating. If you can't figure it out, you fail. You're off the team." | Maddox |
| colonel_e | "I hate air." | Froehle |
| ladyparadox | "STOP LICKING ME." | Dadams |
| dadams | "Listen to the board!" | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "Jeff, can you attack this problem?" --Dr. Foroozan "Jeff's a man of peace, Dr. Foroozan!" --Hummer | |
| dadams | "No, I'm asking Rishi, please be quiet Rishi." | Dr. Foroozan |
| bean | Me: *bitching about my Theo paper* MJ: What are you writing it on? Me: Wordpad... MJ: Bean...*laughs her ass off* | |
| shylock | "I don't like self-absorbed people... other than myself." | Bean |
| shylock | "MJ, relax your muscles. You're making this very hard for us." | Anna |
| khan | "It's useless. We're all gonna die... we're aaaall gonna die." | Dr. Wood discussing entropy |
| dadams | "1, 2, 3... NEIL!!!" | Paul, David, Seabrook and I |
| dadams | "I'm not a girl, I'm a guy you know? But at the same time, I tell ya how you can solve this abortion issue right now. Ready? Those unwanted babies that single moms leave in alleys and in dumpsters? Leave about 12 of those on the steps of the Supreme Court. This is over. Like that. 'You guy said we had to have them? THEN YOU GUYS FUCKING RAISE 'EM.'" | Bill Hicks R.I.P |
| colonel_e | All wars are civil wars, because all men are brothers ... Each one owes infinitely more to the human race than to the particular country in which he was born. | Francois Fenelon, found in a fortune(6) file. |
| malleovic | "Schraml, you are probably the worst student I have ever seen." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "GRENADE!!!" | Everybody in the Section B US Army. |
| puckman | "When you take out the condom there's semen in the rectum!" | Paul, in Latin class |
| puckman | Bowes: "Aha! I get it! You stick your sword in the sheath! Hahaha!" Ms. Pelosi: "You don't have a sword. You have a pocket knife." Rest of Class: OOOOOOOOHHHHHHH!!! | |
| dadams | "I see why this book [Latin book] isn't in print any more, it has so many offensive terms..." | Nellis |
| dadams | "You BURNED microwaveable BACON?!?!" | Sproo's mom |
| puckman | If a chick clones herself... And proceeds to basically have sex... Would she be a lesbian? Or just would she be masturbating? | Anonymous |
| puckman | "Spiderman just sprays white fluid via a wrist action. We can all do that." | |
| dadams | "Yes, little Jimmy, my illegitimate son, that I had with Elliot." | Julia |
| dadams | "Smashing!" | Everybody in the musical |
| dadams | "So don't take anything for granted, stand outside in the rain, an excuse you know I planned it, every ending ends up the same..." | Newfound Glory |
| commiebastard | "Put your crêpe faces on!" | Ms. Farina |
| shylock | "Who will care for littlr Jim Bob? DAMN YOUR MORMON SEX, MARY JEANNE!" | Julia |
| dadams | "Sometimes it is important for use a good grammar." | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "What height of triangle this is?" | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "Hohman, put your nose on your chair!" | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "One day I make fun of you, you'll see..." | Dr. Foroozan |
| malleovic | "Come over here go over there!" | Dr. Foroozan to Paul. |
| malleovic | "Porkchop sandwiches!" | G. I. Joe |
| dadams | "You have some dust on your shoulder. Here, let me splash it off for you." | Pharaoh's wife in that crappy Religion movie we're watching |
| khan | "You're a God... and you have the muscles to match!!!" | Potiphar's wife to Joseph in the crappy Religion movie |
| khan | "You know what one of those big paradox things is? Big tits. Because they're big tits, and everybody likes big tits. But they're also more prone to saggage." | Stephen in Geometry |
| khan | Giuliani [reading passage from Genesis]: "...bring them forth, so that we may know them--" Bowes: In the butt! [dead silence] Mr. Lippe: ...That's not in the text. | Discussion of Sodom and Gomorrah in Religion class |
| malleovic | "I contact your parents!" | Dr. Foroozan |
| darkhawk | "Don't talk, your IQ is low" | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "Any mouth I been seeing shaking out of eating I give detention!" | Yup, you guessed it. Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "I warned your son to stay away from those forward girls! If he's not careful, we'll wind up with a paternity suit on our hands!" | Fr. Peter, to my mom |
| ladyparadox | "I have not talked to or seen or listened to the Samoas." | My mom |
| khan | "Hey Elliot, stop playing with that hand." | Foroozan |
| shylock | "Who's General Motors? Like, what war was he in?" | Anna, regarding a book titled 'The Rise of General Motors' |
| lucifer | "What- What- What are you smoking?!" | Mo |
| dadams | "Dadee, dadoo, dadeedadeedelydoo!" | Strange cartoon children in a circle, dancing around some random Arab guy in a stupid Arab music video in the Houka Bar. |
| khan | "Did you like...smoke pot or something before you came in here? It's just not funny." | Mr. Choquette to Henry when he was laughing hysterically for no reason |
| ladyparadox | "Please do not eat, drink, or smoke illegal substances in the theatre, thank you." | Announcement at Oakcrest Show |
| ladyparadox | "All this bickering makes me need to pee." | Pedophile at the Silver Diner |
| dadams | "If one of our friends was seriously hurt, rolling around on the floor in agony, I can so see us just standing there pointing and laughing for like two minutes before we realize that the person is hurt." | Rendel |
| dadams | "Can't you imagine him [Renny] running by, laughing hysterically, holding a lit molotov cocktail? And then all the cops see him and start running after him, and he runs outside, up the escalator, and then explodes." | Rendel |
| puckman | "That guy looks like Foroozan only upside down!" | Anna |
| darkhawk | "What if he had a head of ice?" | Foroozan |
| dadams | "She's really nice... Not like the other 7th graders." | Seabrook talking about his 13 year-old crush... |
| khan | "You can't just let nature run wild!" | Walter J. Hickel (R), former governor of Alaska |
| dadams | "Shake it, Colin!" | DJ at the mixer |
| puckman | "I have an intergalactic empire of doom. His name is Russell." | Schraml |
| colonel_e | So, you want to be involved in the music world and don't want to be exposed for a talentless peniscopter? The answer is simple my friends, promote the next big thing. A gothic boy band! Just put together the 'talent' make sure they're pretty and the world won't care what they sound like, because they'll have that edgy, brooding look the kids are so crazy for right now! | leethasbro |
| darkhawk | UR MOM SI S00PID!!!!!!1111 | |
| malleovic | "...running around like monkeys!" | Mr. Taylor, describing our class. |
| dadams | "Father Fofo... I mean, Dr. Foroozan. Oops." | My mom |
| barudak | "You all need something to wake you up... I know, we'll dance!" | Spanish Teacher |
| puckman | Jack: "Doesn't baguette mean rod?" Farina: "Oh, It can mean a lot of things." | |
| malleovic | "Stand bah dah buttons! Y'all wanna be badass, you gotta stand bah dah buttons!" | Strange black man wandering around Georgetown. |
| malleovic | "Sorry, no ID, no hookah for you." "Then can I have MY MONEY BACK?!?" | The waiter at the Prince Cafe and Dadams. |
| malleovic | "Jules, you suck it too hard and too fast." | Dadams, on Giuliani's hookah smoking. |
| bellamafia | "Yeah, well, I'VE been sixteen for a year and a half!!!" | Julia |
| shylock | "Time for conversions; happy times are here again." | Dr. Jayarao |
| shylock | "Very precise. I like you." | Dr. Jayarao |
| schraml | "Go away martin!" | Paul |
| schraml | "You guys are sick bastards... I respect that." | Paul |
| dadams | "Mr. Brooks, why have you decided to skip film school? Aren't you a little young to enter the industry?" --Reporter "SHUT THE FUCK UP. Next question." --Eli | |
| bellamafia | "Are you mocking my fallen meatball?" | Joe |
| dadams | "The most powerful weapon in history that can destroy anything in the world." | Back of the MeccaGodzilla movie box |
| malleovic | "Get out." | T-1000, to the pilot of a news helicopter. |
| bellamafia | "Zubora usagiuma chinpoko!" | |
| dadams | "You don't use reasoning for your reasoning..." | Dr. Foroozan |
| malleovic | "Hummer is bright kid... bright faced." | Dr. Foroozan |
| malleovic | "I'm not a tardy one!" | Brother Marvin |
| mr_voorhees | "That's one ripped moses." | Dr. Downey |
| dadams | "I'm the foot fucking master!" | Black guy in Pulp Fiction |
| dadams | "You should all remember that you are the class that made me want to quit." | Fr. Peter |
| dadams | "The happiest day of my life will be the last day of school." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "Every moment in this class is torture..." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "There is something wrong with your class!" | Fr. Peter |
| dadams | "Stupid?! Shut up you idiot! Go kill yourself!" | Guy on 99.1HFS to a caller |
| dadams | "Joe, you're stupid. You should drive to the Bay Bridge and jump off it." | Guy on 99.1HFS to a caller |
| malleovic | "The problem with you guys is you have no idea when and when not to whip it out." | Hohman |
| malleovic | "MASTURBATRIX!" | Paul |
| khan | "Seabrook... you have done the grossest thing I have ever seen in my entire life." | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "Excuse me, sir. If you could refrain from humping the air for just a minute..." | Random girl at the Oakcrest mixer to Self |
| puckman | "Woooooooosh thump" "Gong" "Horses Whinny" | Subtitles from "Young Frankenstein" |
| dadams | "Take the tissue box, go to bathroom, do your stuff, then come back!" | Dr. Foroozan to Hummer |
| dadams | "I miss my big, red cock." | Poet from the English movie |
| dadams | "There is a certain satisfaction in living a life in complete and total failure." | Edward Abbey |
| dadams | "Great spirits have always encountered violent opposition from mediocre minds." | Einstein |
| dadams | "Don't cry because it's over; smile because it happened." | Anonymous |
| dadams | "Those rockets killed babies... I have arthritis!" | Mr. McCarthy |
| dadams | "In 1986, fourteen years ago this day [in 2004]..." --Dr. Caiola at announcements. | |
| puckman | "Stop sticking your tongue out at people. It's very...disturbing." | Mr. Morse |
| puckman | "And at the end the poet describes the ship and the iceberg as...having sex." | Mr. Morse |
| colonel_e | "Holy Granola! I did that with my mind. | Fish, Goats |
| puckman | "JACK! You're an idiot!" | Mr. Choquette |
| dadams | "In the films of Dachau and Auschwitz and Bergen-Belsen the dead rise from the earth and are piled in front of us, the starved stare across forty years, and lush, green, muscial Germany shows again its iron claw, which won't ever be forgotten, which won't ever be understood, but which did, slowly, for years, scrape across Europe while the rest of the world did nothing." | -Mary Oliver, "1945-1985: Poem for the Anniversary" |
| colonel_e | He was stupid He didn't know as much as me I'd rather throw dead batteries at cows than read him Everything was going fine before he came along He started the Civil War He tried to get the French involved, but they wouldn't listen They filled him up with desserts He talked about all the great boxers that came from Ireland Like he trained them or something Then he started reading some of his stuff Right as we told him to get lost He brought up the potato famine We said "Your potatoes are plenty good" "Deal with it" "Work it out somehow" Then he said "America must adopt the metric system, it's much more logical" We said "No ! We like our rulers, go away" Thomas Jefferson said you always get the rulers you deserve | |
| colonel_e | Many are called, but few are Chosun. | ptsc, in a talk.bizarre about the Korean/Finnish connection. |
| bean | "You can go far with a smile. You can go farther with a smile and a gun" | Al Capone |
| puckman | "Anna! Dismount!" | MJ |
| puckman | "I think my ego actually suffocated somebody when I walked into a room one time." | Bean |
| lucifer | "To die would be an awfully great adventure" | Peter Pan |
| ladyparadox | "Cold War (matched with) Post War Baby Boom. Explaination: After a war, a post-war baby boom will happen." | Anna, US History quiz |
| dadams | "The entire thing [American Embassy in Russia] had to be blown up, because there were so many bugs in the walls." --Mr. Choquette "CICADAS!!!" --Everybody in class | |
| shylock | "And then, in chapter four, she beats the crap out of little Mr. Cunningham." | Mrs. Doland |
| shylock | "Oh she'll be fine. She's just a gender bending little girl who likes to beat up on people." | Mrs. Doland, on Scout from To Kill A Mockingbird |
| khan | Choquette: You would get eaten alive... they'd put you in a cage, sell you to tourists-- Barnes: Not if we hid a monkey in our pants to go fetch the keys for us! | Discussion about modern-day pirates in Western Civ. |
| lucifer | "It's like I have ESPN or something. Like my breasts can tell when it's going to rain... well actually they can tell when it's raining..." *Standing in the rain* "It's 68 degrees outside and there's a *grabs boob* 30% chance it's already raining." | Karen, the Dumb Chick from Mean Girls |
| dadams | "Play with the parts that you have." | Ms. Pelosi to Nellis |
| lucifer | "A pen... I gave her my heart and she gave me a pen." | John Cusack in Say Anything |
| ladyparadox | "I don't care about the nose. I don't believe in noses" | Dr. J |
| dadams | "Only three more days of this..." | Dr. Foroozan in reference to our class |
| dadams | "You have given me grief and miserability." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "This is the last day of Friday." | Dr. Foroozan |
| dadams | "David, you are excused [from cursing] because that is how you were raised." | Dr. Foroozan |
| puckman | "Where's the hustle out there?! You guys aren't doing shit! Now get your heads outa your asses and skate!" | Coach Dan Little, Reston Raiders Hockey Club |
| puckman | "Sticks and stones may break my bones but my fingers will still rape your asshole." | Jack Leathers |
| khan | "Hi, I'm Troy McClure! You may remember me from such medical films as 'Alice Doesn't Live Anymore' and 'Mommy, What's Wrong With That Man's Face?'" | Phil Hartman, Simpsons |
| colonel_e | "As I stood there, watching the giant snake in front of me, I scrambled for numbers in my head, trying to figure out the amount of LSD I had consumed. It was NONE. | Supafine |
| colonel_e | "How do we do it? We import our technology from SPACE!" | Supafine |
| mr_voorhees | "I liked the book when I was little, quite an entertaining story. The cartoon version actually scared me." | Elliot, about the Hobbit |
| bellamafia | "Okay, you pull down her pants and then..." "David. She's wearing a skirt." "Oh. Well, you pull up her skirt, and Seabrook'll pull down her shorts..." | Dadams and self plotting evil evil things at HFStival. |
| bellamafia | "I'm in H." | Michelle, in Gometry. |
| puckman | "[Nature] sucks cock." | Anna |
| commiebastard | "Go shove a brick up your ass and throw yourself through a window, bitch." | Henry Rollins, The Hateatron |
| dadams | "Like, in this one ad, some guy was singing about how something hurt or something like that, and this Simon's like, you're right, it does hurt...to listen to you! And you're supposed to be all like, oohh, damn! But instead, it's like, no, shut the fuck up, you're an idiot. That's not funny at all. It would be funny if he was like, eat shit and die because I hate your ugly face." | Nellis |
| schraml | Let me tell you about Hatchet Harry. Once there was this geezer called Smithy Robinson who worked for Harry. It was rumoured that he was on the take. Harry invited Smithy round for an explanation. Smithy didn't do a very good job. Within a minute Harry lost his temper and reached for the nearest thing at hand, which happened to be a fifteen-inch black rubber cock. He then proceeded to batter poor Smithy to death with this; that was seen as a pleasant way to go . . . Hence, Hatchet Harry is a man you pay if you owe. | Bacon |
| puckman | "Shut up or eat a desk!" | Mr. Choquette |
| lucifer | "What's your damage, Heather?" "Fuck me gently with a chainsaw!" | Heathers |
| puckman | "Beep!" | Dr. Wood |
| ladyparadox | "Shut the fuck up. I'm very sensitive about my eyebrow." | Anna |
| puckman | "Do yourself a favor and get rid of that girlfriend of yours." | Ms. Pelosi, to me |
| puckman | "Lick my anus." | Mr. Taylor |
| mr_voorhees | "May burning fever seize all her limbs, kill her soul and her heart. O Gods of the underworld, break and smash her bones, choke her, let her body be twisted and shattered -- phrix, phrox." | My Latin book |
| mr_voorhees | "Sexcentesimo nonagesimo yearly produce urbis laid up stores D. Younger Silano and L. Murena consulibus Metellus about Chalk triumphal Pompeius about to wage war piratico and Mithridatico. Nulla ever pompa triumphal similar fuit. General are before her currum daughter Mithridatis , son Tigranis and Aristobulus , the king Iudaeorum ; to glide past is huge money and ear and silver unlimited. This transitory nullum very orbem earth sick war was." | Online translation |
| ladyparadox | 'Ugh, look at that woman. She has too much eyeliner on." | MJ |
| mrgeorgia | "You retard!" | My brother to a cicada. |
| colonel_e | manifold7:/home/elliot/dl # rpm -ivh nethacklinux.img nethacklinux.img: read manifest failed: Success | bash(1) output. |
| mrgeorgia | Conversation my taxi driver on the way back from the movie was having on his cell phone: driver:"So you guys gonna do it?" ------------------- d:"What if she says no, I'm too tired?" ---------------------------------- d:"Well call me when you're about to start. I want to listen to the noise." | |
| puckman | "The pads are on the front, moron!" | My hockey coach, after I blocked a shot with the back of my leg. |
| bean | Me: Dad, this is MJ's friend Mirka; she's from Finland. Dad: Mirka! Mirka...Mirka, mirka, mirka. Like miracle? Mirka: *chuckle* No.... Dad: How do you spell that? Mirka:...Mirka. MJ: M-I-R-K-A. | |
| ladyparadox | Ew, my balls are all sweaty, and they're stuck to my leg. | Dadams |
| dadams | "I knew America's most dangerous sex offender. I'd let him babysit my kids!" | Mr. McCarthy |
| dadams | "... Because some 'stereotypes' can be true!" | Charlie (Bean's brother) |
| puckman | "...It's like trying to watch a bunch of retards hump a doorknob!" | Patches O'Hoolihan, Dodgeball |
| puckman | This conversation ACTUALLY happened our last night in West Virginia. The two people involved are one of the male chaperones, a 53 year old man, and me. I had just walked into our room holding a postcard, which I had been writing instead of cleaning the classroom, when he addressed me thus: Chaperone: "Fuck you and fuck your stuff!" Me: "Uh..." Chaperone: "That's what I thought. Now shut the fuck up clean your shit up before I throw it in the hall." | |
| puckman | "Are you chaffing against the ramming rule?" | Julia |
| puckman | "...and they named it San Diego, which is German for 'whale vagina.'" | Ron Burgundy, Anchorman: The Legend of Ron Burgundy |
| puckman | "There is now an invisible wall here..." | Julia |
| puckman | "Tie me up and I'm happy!" | Anna |
| ladyparadox | "She's been three for, what, the past five years?" | MJ |
| dadams | "There are few people whom I really love, and still fewer of whom I think well. The more I see of the world, the more am I dissatisfied with it; and every day confirms my belief of the inconsistency of all human characters, and of the little dependance that can be placed on the appearance of either merit or sense." | Elizabeth Bennet, Pride and Prejudice |
| puckman | "...his great golden spear...filled with fire...plunged into me several times...penetrated to my entrails...a sweetness so extreme that one could not possibly wish it to stop." | St. Teresa, concerning the situation depicted in Gianlorenzo Bernini's The Ecstasy of St. Teresa |
| dadams | "It's so annoying when it gets in your eye!" | Anna |
| dadams | "So... Where are you ticklish?" | Anna (when there was an absence of conversation hehe) |
| dadams | "My mother didn't raise her son so that Donald Rumsfeld could send him to die. I don't pay George W. Bush's salary so that he can lie to my face. I don't carry my recycling down six flights so that Dick Cheney and his corporate friends can rape the environment. I don't struggle to pay my student loans every month so that they can cripple my future grandchildren with a deficit. I don't vote Halliburton or Enron at the ballot box. I don't live by the Constitution so that John Ashcroft and his right-wing Christian buddies can abuse it. And I don't cotton to hyper-powerful free-trade organizations determining the fate of our planet without giving a shit about my life or what I think." | Jason Flores-Williams (from Schraml's AIM profile) |
| dadams | "Chin up, chin up... That way you know where your chin is..." | Retarded guy to me in Bethesda |
| dadams | "I'll be the hornier of the two of us... So I'll win. Then again, you're Dadams. Eat, drink, breathe, live SEX. Actually I hope you don't drink sex." | Jack |
| shylock | So one.... plus three guys.... equals FOUR. And there's four of us. DAMN! | Luci |
| shylock | "What's emo?" "It's a bird from Australia" "I thought it was New Zealand!" | Megan, immitating some people in her show |
| shylock | Guy: Hey ladies, how you all doing? Tal: We're underage. | |
| bellamafia | "Jack looks at it, and he thinks 'torture device'. They look at it and they think, 'anal love toy'. i look at it, and i think...PUPPET!!!" | Julia, in reference to the pizza tray holder. |
| puckman | "Only real men wear pink." | Lauren (a girl at Ruthie's party) in reference to the pink tie I was wearing |
| puckman | "Yeah. Real men and queers." | Anna (not Rojo), in response to the above comment |
| dadams | "Do you know who created linz frinz binz? ... I did." | Random crazy guy in Georgetown |
| dadams | "If I had some [weed], I'd be upstairs in my room smoking it right now." | My mom after she had a root canal |
| khan | "All men think about their penis size, in bed at night, or in a hammock with a monkey." | Dave Attell |
| shylock | "Stop molesting my monkey." | DJ (waiter at Friendly's) |
| shylock | "I can give it to you, but I can't promise it'll be good." | Bean |
| shylock | "But they all smoke weed, right?" | DJ, when I told him that neither Bean nor Julia smoked cigarettes. |
| bean | "Have I showed how I can move my toes independently?" | My dad |
| bean | "No, Babs is doing piroettes in the living room, she hasn't taken anything anywhere." | Charlie |
| dadams | "One time actually, when we weren't talking about you..." | Anna |
| puckman | "Give me a few minutes. We're playing with the priest." | Ruthie |
| mrvoorhees | "Our enemies are innovative and resourceful, and so are we. They never stop thinking about new ways to harm our country and our people, and neither do we" | George W. Bush |
| puckman | Maura: "THIS IS HARDBALL WITH CHRIS MATTHEWS! I'M CHRIS MATTHEWS!" Jack: "Stop talking." Maura: "NO!" Dad: "Maura, stop talking." | |
| puckman | "That's because Kesident Prennedy--I mean, that's because Kesident Prennedy...Crap." | Maura, my sister |
| puckman | "I'll shove the wire up your ass and see what 220 amps does to your testicles." | My Dad |
| puckman | "I shat on your boat." | Dadams |
| dadams | "... Except the place looked more like India than Asia, and someone needs to remind the decorator that India is in Africa..." | Julia |
| dadams | "Masturbate?! Wait until you get off the phone this time..." | Julia |
| dadams | "So, beware of growling Asian men." | Julia |
| shylock | "This could be a potentially compromising situation if we weren't wearing pants" | Tenne and Ven |
| puckman | "Dude! Your dog is like, the exact same size as my dog! Only bigger!" | Tom Froehle |
| shylock | "Darling, you have a kipper in your sweater..." | Fawlty Towers |
| shylock | "Twiddle his nob somebody, he's out of focus." | A drunk Mrs. Sloacombe (Are You Being Served?) |
| bellamafia | "Yeah, its so great, the planes fly right over your head and crash into you, only they dont...i orgasm on the spot every time!" | Amon |
| malleovic | "Pass me another penis!" | Roger Crockett |
| malleovic | "I was all up in this girl." | Jon Jensen |
| puckman | "My free periods look like a penis." | Paul |
| dadams | "I had four sophomores who were a 'group'. They drove the teachers crazy, so I got the four of them together in my office and said, 'Two of you have to go.' So they got together and decided what they would do, and two of them left. The other two stayed, and were fine." | Father Peter, using this as a reference to Thomas Barnes and I |
| dadams | "...That I'm trying to THRUST material into." | Fr. Gabriel |
| dadams | "There were a lot of juicy women." | Fr. Gabriel |
| dadams | "Great. Now everyone knows my mom is a pedophile. Ew." | Julia |
| dadams | "The army of a free Iraq is fighting for freedom." | Bush, RNC 2004 |
| puckman | "The penis is not technically a muscle. Just a willy." | My dad |
| dadams | "Grif! Let's pretend we're wearing super-spy jet-packs!" Donut "*Sigh of disgust*" Grif "No, like this, 'brchhhhhhhhhhrowwwwww!'" Donut | RedvsBlue, Episode 36 |
| puckman | "I'm a LOSER! With a capital 'L'!" | Anna |
| lucifer | Well, he's kind of had it in for me ever since I accidentally ran over his dog. Actually, replace "accidentally" with "repeatedly," and replace "dog" with "son. | Lionel Hutz, The Simpsons |
| bellamafia | "This book....is like...a coathanger." | Mrs. Egan |
| puckman | Ruthie: "Think of how much money youll be saving, no tuition and less need for therapy in your mid 20s after having confusing sexual interaction." Jack: "Most of us turn out to be well-balanced young men capable of reeling in even a public school girl." Ruthie: "It's easy to be balanced when you're on all fours." | |
| ladyparadox | "I like to throw candy into people." | Ms. Littlefield |
| bean | "We should go around spanking people." | Jack |
| puckman | "People sleep peaceably in their beds at night only because rough men stand ready to do violence on their behalf." | George Orwell |
| ladyparadox | "Only pussies come back alive." | Jack |
| shylock | Guys just have to shave everything. | Danielle |
| shylock | I think I have AD....oooh. Sanchez's hair is shiny. | Kathleen aka Valium |
| khan | "Everybody got 50 acres... and malaria." | Mr. Achilles |
| khan | "Hey, that would've been amazing if it hadn't sucked." | Paul |
| khan | "Chickenpox comes from ducks!" | Paul |
| dadams | "Do you kneel down to receive it?" | Fr. Gabriel |
| dadams | "C'est pas 'bestiality'." | Abbot Aiden |
| dadams | "You're not trying to suck off everyone else." | Dr. Loveland |
| dadams | "Okay, okay... Your turn." Pvt. Donut "Truth... Or Dare?" Caboose "Hmm... Truth!" Pvt. Donut "Okay. Tell me... ALL OF THE RED'S SECRET PLANS!" Caboose "Aw man, you tricked me! You blue guys are so smart!" Pvt. Donut | RedvsBlue |
| puckman | "'Des betises', ce n'est pas 'faire l'amour avec un chien.'" | Abbot Aidan |
| malleovic | "Is there any part of your body that glows?"-Rishi "Not yours."-Dr. Loveland | Rishi Sood and Dr. Loveland |
| malleovic | "We can test chemical components with flame testing."-Dr. Loveland "Flamer testing!"-Tim Brooks "Never do that again."-Dr. Loveland | Dr. Loveland and Tim Brooks |
| malleovic | "What do you think, Dr. Love?.............land?"-Tim Brooks "Never call me Dr. Love" | Dr. Loveland and Tim Brooks |
| darkhawk | "He's taropathic!"-Elliot "He's tardopathic?"-Jack | |
| shylock | I like to call them Chicken Nuggles. It makes me feel warm inside. | Valium |
| puckman | "That would have been awesome if it hadn't sucked!" | Paul |
| shylock | Every time you listen to Slipknot, God kills a kitten. | Paul |
| colonel_e | "Argument is inherently impossible, for whatever one believes is 100% correct since that person believes it." | Dadams |
| colonel_e | "Or like cousins, or genetic twins where all of the strongest genes were moved to one child and all the weakest genes were moved to the other. And then 40 years later they meet in alaska and fight a duel to the death on top of a giant phallic-tin-can-opener, while the president declares national emergency and decides to nuke and the love of the strong twins life is tied to a bomb so it has only 5 minutes to defeat its evil inferior twin and to escape from alaska before it becomes very hott! I am so psychic! | Froehle |
| puckman | "It's the bane of Dark Jedi Lords, big holes." | Blockbuster assistant manager |
| dadams | "That was sort of disturbing... I'm over it now." | Mr. Commins |
| dadams | "Yeah, I can fit a lot of things up my ass... Yep, this... And this, too." | Tim, my brother |
| dadams | "Shut up." Dadams "Shut up." Jack "Shut up." Dadams "Shut up." Jack "Shut up." Dadams "SHUT UP!" Mr. Morse | |
| dadams | "Everything you do is like the opposite of alright! You'd be the worst teacher ever! I hope to God I never listen to you..." | My brother to me |
| shylock | "But now that I'm a Pez and a Lego I want for nothing." | Frank Oz (Jabba the Hut) |
| puckman | Julia: "You crossed the line." Jack: "There is no line." Julia: "There is a very large line. I will beat you with the line." | |
| puckman | "Jack, you and I could have sex for seven hours." | Bean |
| lucifer | "Cracker please!" | Chris White talking to me, referring to Jack(Bandong and I had to inform him Jack is actually Asian so that doesn't work) |
| puckman | "There's a hole in your butt." | Julia |
| dadams | "Why are you stopping at the stop sign? It's more like... Advice." | My brother, Tim |
| dadams | "Hey! Wanna go out?" 99.1HFS Jockey "Sure!" Caller "But, wait, I can't, I have a girlfriend..." Jockey "Haha, yeah, I have a boyfriend..." Caller "Oh so it like cancels out, it's not really cheating!" Jockey | |
| dadams | "Hey Dadams, come down here with us, so that we can throw rocks at Dr. Foroozan when he walks by!" | Little Zaki |
| stefunny | ::boy talking to his penis:: "You are an animal! Calm yourself down!" | Megan Long telling us about this guy in her 6ht grade class |
| puckman | "I thought he was kidding about it being 'Rojo'." | Elliot |
| ladyparadox | "I hate you. You raped my chocolate." | My mom |
| stefunny | "Our mascot was the Trojan Man. Our rival school was called the Viking Seamen." | Mrs. Doland |
| malleovic | Crime: "You should not commit crime. If you do this, you are a criminal. Soon you go to jail. You do not want this." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Health Care: "If you break bones, you travel to the hospital. Do not attempt to repair at home." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Urban America: "I try to park in city, but there is no room. When I am president, we will create many parking lots. I have landscaping experience, the parking lots will have trees on the side." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Seniors: "Old people are very useful to tell stories. Ask them many things, perhaps they give you candy." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Children: "Do not have children, soon you have no money and the teenager hates you." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Native Americans: "You do not litter on the ground, these people are very sad." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Abortion: "Everyone must do this, a restaurant full of children is very difficult to eat in. It is loud and you do not eat." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Homeland Security: "If I am elected president, all current politicians will be converted to searching bags at airports. This makes all people glad to use airports." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Economy & Jobs: "No jobs are available for people who have many skills. I have computer studies degree, but all day I drive this backhoe. Soon there will be jobs for all people." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Iraq: "When politicians are finished at airport, their job at night is to go to middle east and create peace." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Civil rights: "There will be no elections until women andMalleovic | people of all color can vote in these elections. Perhaps it will be fifty years, but we will make this dream come true." |
| malleovic | Veterans: "You leave the sidewalk and put down sign, I will give you job." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | AIDS: "This disease is deadly, you should try not to get." | KompressoR |
| malleovic | Women's Issues: "For discount to these issues, you get subscription, ten dollars for one year. Seven hundred quick ways to make Kompressor president. Fifty six ways to give satisfaction to Kompressor. All advertisements with perfume are removed!" | KompressoR |
| dadams | "Those were... times. Not good or bad, just times." | Elliot |
| dadams | "That's just disgusting. Do I come into your house and start spitting in your trashcan?" | Dr. Loveland to Tom Carpenter |
| dadams | "Yes, Ayn Rand was Pongo's bitch." | Jack |
| dadams | "You can be like, a living bad pun!" | Jeff Tardiff on Seabrook |
| puckman | Me: "What does 'SI' stand for?" Mom: "Semen insulation." | |
| shylock | "So this one time, when me and Reuben were making out in the bathroom..." | Will Snyder |
| shylock | "There will be no tweaking of the nipples!" | Overheard in the Junior hallway |
| stefunny | "Dean can bang my bongos anytime." | Hannah |
| lucifer | "I could be gay... if not for sex. Hell, then you'd just be hanging out with your buddies!" | Bill Engvall |
| puckman | "Why did DC get the team instead of Virginia? Because DC pulled down its boxers, bent over, and said 'Go to town, baseball!'" | Dad |
| lucifer | "CRAKA' PLEASE! WE <3 JACK!" | The poster Anna and I made for It's Academic |
| dadams | "Recent studies show that porn sites are requested three times more often on search engines than other sites... I think I speak for everybody when I say, 'DUH!'" | Jockey on DC101 |
| malleovic | "I RENOUNCE ALL CLAIMS FORMERLY MADE BY ME THAT I ADHERE TO THE THEORY OF ARGUMENTATIVE RELATIVITY." | David McKaig Adams |
| lucifer | "You see he's wearing pants, only they're stockings..." | Anna |
| matchbox | PZFdude: shut up TigerofMizzou: fuck your head PZFdude: *fucks head* TigerofMizzou: hahahahahha PZFdude: hang on, I'm still fucking my head TigerofMizzou: hahahahahahahah TigerofMizzou: i can't stop laughing... PZFdude: dude, seriously PZFdude: you have no idea how annoying it is to have to type something while you're trying to fuck your own head PZFdude: this isn't easy | |
| stefunny | "The Kilt!" | Bean |
| dadams | "It could be 38 degrees and snowing!" | Dr. Loveland |
| dadams | "Poop." | Mr. Achilles |
| stefunny | "Stephanie, your life revolves around poo." | My Mom |
| stefunny | ::holding a 3 inch pickle:: "Stephanie this is your father's size." ::holds a larger and fatter pickle:: "I much prefer this size though." | My Mom |
| puckman | "Dora the Explorer looks so hot in that picture!" | Blockbuster assistant manager |
| colonel_e | "What do you think, Jesus?" "Call me Super Demolition Chirst, bitch." | Combustable Orange |
| lucifer | Maureen: I want to know how to say freakshow in french! Luci: Freakshow is not a word! I'm sure the french didn't make one up for their dictionary Julia: Well... you could look up something else like circus instead of show and mutation instead of freak Maureen & Luci: MUTATION CIRCUS! | |
| matchbox | "Let's go around the table and see how many words for breasts we can think of." | My dad, at dinner tonight. The whole family was present. |
| dadams | "Man... What the fuck you thinkin', wearin' some stupid-ass psychodelic tie wit' a striped shirt? Man you look like some stupid ass clown!" | Some random homeless black guy in Georgetown on me |
| matchbox | "Are you happy with the fact that you failed?" | Mr. Commins to Dadams |
| khan | "I'm the only one here who's not drunk, stupid or Kalev." | Colin |
| matchbox | "Is there even art to study from Africa? Some fucking Zulu takes a buffalo skin and spreads shit on it and you have to study it?" | Marc, my brother |
| matchbox | Andrew9Red: ready for those homeless girls? TheHollywoodJack: hahaha hell yeah TheHollywoodJack: after you, good sir Andrew9Red: ugh Andrew9Red: maybe the volunteer coordinator Andrew9Red: i call dibs TheHollywoodJack: haha TheHollywoodJack: fuck no TheHollywoodJack: we'll double team her Andrew9Red: teamwork Andrew9Red: always good | |
| bean | Cede: What's wrong with Abercrombie & Fitch? Nadalie: They have naked people. | |
| bean | "Ignore the units, leave them alone, they are not harming you." | Dr. Jayarao |
| bean | "Did you know, that if I touch your breast, I'm putting you in a near occasion of sin?" | Cede to Katie C. |
| bean | "You're nuts." | Marisol to me |
| shylock | "Yeah! Italians in poncy shorts TOTALLY means it's a good movie, right?" | Hannah |
| dadams | TheHollywoodJack: it's a shame we go to an all girls school TheDadamz: yeah... no TheHollywoodJack: *boys | |
| dadams | "We should do 'How to Succeed in Business Without Really Tryingowned." | Paul |
| matchbox | "Guys, I just made a meat-flag." | Paul |
| ladyparadox | "I hope you are working to get all of your friends and family to vote for President Bush. Because it determines whether or not you are allowed to live." | My mom |
| ladyparadox | "I'll be on you like a fat kid on cake." | Brendon |
| ladyparadox | "If you weren't so smart, I'd say you were a stoner." | Vanessa |
| stefunny | "Anal Orgies. Just one more letter from analogies." | SAT teacher Dave |
| shylock | "Now we are sucessfully making out with the French." | Mrs Krogh |
| dadams | "Evil will always triumph over good, because good is DUMB." | Dark Helmet, Space Balls |
| dadams | "Nowadays people know the price of everything, and the value of nothing." | Oscar Wilde |
| dadams | "Become the change you seek in the world." | Gandhi |
| stefunny | " My brother for my birthday got me this porno called 'Edward Penis-hands.' It's where this guy has sex with all these chicks but with his hands." | Dave |
| dadams | "Captalism is better because you never have a wood shortage." | Jules |
| dadams | "No, David, I don't want your body!" | Ms. Diggle |
| lucifer | "You drank Maureen?!" | Me talking to Stephanie and Anna about Maureen's Dr. Bob |
| dadams | "Ahahaha, la peepee!" | Nellis on Jack in French class |
| ladyparadox | "...the UN is on the crux of a tyrannical world government that will bring about the coming of the Antichrist with the passing of the Affirmative plan..." "THAT'S WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOU VOTE FOR JOHN KERRY." | Me and my mom |
| ladyparadox | "Just rip up your notes; they don't matter. Rip them up! Why do I not see ripping?!" | Ms. Greywall |
| shylock | "Yeah, and she was like, are you a fairy? And I was like, fuck you bitch, I'm the fairy Queen." | Glenna |
| dadams | "Kenny, are you eating in class as well as saying 'penis?'" | Mr. Commins |
| shylock | "Three... no four. Science. No! Sports! Entertainment? GODDAMNIT PETER STOP SHAKING YOUR HEAD" | Mary |
| matchbox | Cock of the Walk Super Cock INSANE COCK (nerve damage) | Menu at Buffalo Wings and Beer restaurant by Blake HS |
| malleovic | "A fresh, medium-sized apple." | Kid at the It's Academic tournament |
| colonel_e | "There is Normal Society and then there is the Abnormal Freaks Who Deserve Our Public Pity and Private Ridicule Society. There is the world of good jobs and SUV's and marriages and vacations, and then there is the world of the glazed eye, of people who chant at the moon and spout conspiracy theories and get sexually aroused by furry animal costumes and dress all in black while pretending to be vampires and collect cats until they're a furry shoulder-to-shoulder flood on every floor. The Abnormal travel among the Normal and leave behind them a trail of sickeningly awkward conversations and stifled laughter, of hidden knowing glances and rolled eyes." | David Wong's "John Dies At The End" |
| mj | Matt: Why did you start the pumpkin rubbing, Sam? Sam: It's a sensual vegetable. | Heard in Advisory |
| mj | "Bring me the pumpkin! BRING ME THE PUMPKIN! I don't like you. | Matt Hopke |
| mj | Laurie: Who was Minnehaha's huband? Julie:.... Minnehoohoo? Laurie: No, it's a GIRL. Julie: ... Pocahontas? Laurie: NO! Minnehaha was a girl! Julie: Kokomo! | During Trivial Pursuit at rehearsal |
| malleovic | TheHollywoodJack (11:13:43 PM):i'm tired of all the horseshit he's strewn everywhere | Jack, on IM |
| ladyparadox | "You know, I was in church the other day....and I was thinking...Indian people have a LOT of kids, and Indian men aren't that good looking....you gotta wonder, what's in it for them?" | MJ |
| dadams | "Ultimately, no-one would care what I do..." Mr. Commins "We do!" Rendel "Uh... No you don't." Mr. Commins | |
| dadams | "Carbon dioxide coming out of your anus!" | Elliot |
| mj | "Los cangrejos me estan atacando en mi sueño!" (The crabs are attacking me in my sleep!) | Andi |
| malleovic | "You have no idea how little I care." | Mr. Commins |
| matchbox | "I can't get aroused unless I'm pooping on something." | Joe |
| matchbox | "If Hawthorne were alive, he'd be a dead man." | Bean |
| matchbox | "I've found that all hockey players are assholes...Oh, crap. Do you play hockey?" | Hershey, to me |
| mj | She listens to me because I have an assertive man-voice. | Chris Prescott, refering to his older sister. |
| ladyparadox | "It's only illegal is I actually DO something. Thinking doesn't count. ..... see? Not illegal! | Charlie Brennan |
| khan | "I feel like wrestling... go get Ms Diggle" | Mr. Mann |
| mj | Jason: Mrs. Strub, you should take this test with us. Mrs. Strub: I'd rather laugh at your pain. | Government, when Mrs. Strub was subbing. |
| ladyparadox | "I wonder what a medieval tampon was like." "A rock. Sand." "A sheep." "....a sheep?" "I meant wool." | Junior table lunch conversation (the sheep comment was Bean) |
| lucifer | "You need to be a transvestite to sing this song" | Dan Healy, talking about Bohemian Rhapsody |
| mj | Mary: It's not like Megan Locke who just doesn't have friends. Anthony:... MEGAN LOCKE STILL GOES HERE? | Lunch on Thursday |
| dadams | "Are you interested in any sports?" -Random Guy "No... Just killing the badguys." -Colonel Rojo | |
| dadams | "I accept everything happening up to right now as my fault... Starting now, it's your fault." | Mr Commins |
| dadams | "Andrew... Shut up." | Mr. Commins |
| dadams | "May I go to the bathroom?" -Hummer "Ah... Sure, what the hell." -Mr. Commins | |
| mj | "It's a good thing we have each other, honey. No one else would take us." | Dawn |
| dadams | "Hey guys, it's Colin!" -Paul "Damn!" -Jack "Damn!" -Elliot "Damn!" -Paul "Damn!" -Kalev | |
| dadams | "Mirado Black Warrior" | Pencil Brand |
| dadams | "I can't take this anymore, hah... Shut the fuck up!" | Mr. Achilles |
| dadams | "I've got places to go and people to do." | Mr. Vaile, overheard in the Library |
| dadams | "Do you sell crack?" -Dadams "Yeah, ya want some?" -Fr. Peter | |
| dadams | "Classy chick lets her rockets out while giving head" | |
| dadams | "Mall rat gets asked to suck back his nutritious dong" | |
| dadams | "Dude in heaven surrounded by two sets of hot buns" | |
| dadams | "Cracker Jack fills her pussy with jizz until it foams" | |
| dadams | "Sweetie gets pegged by his veiny meat and jizzed" | |
| dadams | "What's the Fourth Dimension?" --Paul "Time." --Kalev "Then what's the Fifth Dimension?" --Paul "It's that funk band from the 70's!" --Kalev | Cafeteria conversation |
| dadams | "I think when Jack gets back we should all beat him." | Mr. Commins |
| mj | Kenny: Hi Erin! Erin: Kenny, last night I had this great dream where you died. | English class |
| ladyparadox | "I was totally punk until I sold out to get this job." | Mrs Doland |
| dadams | "Hey!" | Absolutely everybody. |
| dadams | "Hey, Seabrook hates you!" --Dadams "Whhhyyyyy I want friends! WAHHHHHHH!!!" --Random 7th Grader | Walking up from Acting class with Seabrook |
| dadams | "Faggots!" --Tim "So, have you kissed a girl yet?" --Rendel | Conversation in Pre-Calc |
| ladyparadox | "What is a black hole and a white hole connected?" "...a grey hole!" | Ms. Greywall and Anna |
| ladyparadox | "What is wrong wth your FACE?!" | Ms. Littlefield, to Michelle |
| dadams | "Hey, how's my best bud?" --McCarthy "Uh, fine..." --Me "Hey, [takes gum out of mouth] you want this? [offers me the gum] 'Cuz if not, I'm just gonna throw it away." --McCarthy "No thanks." --Me "Alright. [walks away]" --McCarthy | Lunchtime occurrence |
| dadams | "Whoa... It's a large, blue and green man... With a funny looking goatee... I'll bet it's important! *Hugs statue*" | Riley in "National Treasure" |
| dadams | "Robbery is a different kind of rape." | Colonel Rojo |
| khan | "It was wild. They actually have monks there, mom... we were driving there today... I was thinking they'd be like, props or something from Hollywood, but there were seriously these guys there, walking around in those bathrobes." | My uncle to my grandmother |
| khan | "They forgot the secret of the moon-Jews!" | Elliot after watching National Treasure |
| khan | "NO." | Elliot after the preview for "Son of the Mask" |
| khan | Elliot: The gunpowder's there so the ship can explode. [Two minutes later the ship explodes] Elliot: [insane hysterical laughter] | watching National Treasure |
| colonel_e | I SNEEZED ALSO I JUST TOOK A POO I WONDER IF THEY ARE RELATED | Jerk City |
| colonel_e | "You should be happy that you've created an entirely new way for us to get mad at each other." | Colin to Elliot |
| dadams | "Have I ever told you about when I saw my first blowjob? ... I was nine or ten, and me and a bunch of friends saw the Methodist preacher's son was giving one to a dog." | My Dad |
| ladyparadox | "Fighting for peace is like having sex for abstinence." | Chris Sardo |
| bean | "I aim to create a forest of magnetized screws." | Charlie |
| dadams | "We fear things in proportion to our ignorance of them." | Titus Livius |
| dadams | "It hurts my head just being in that room..." --Dr. Loveland "Heh, the smell?" --D.Black "No..." --Dr. Loveland "The stupidity?" --Dadams "Getting closer..." --Dr. Loveland "The retardedness?" --Tom | Conversation in the Chem Lab |
| ladyparadox | "SIT DOWN AND STOP BEING FREAKS!" | Mrs. Doland |
| dadams | "Hey Janet, what'd ya' do with the rest of her blood?" | Random nurse in the ER |
| mj | "CRIKEY! I'VE JUST BEEN PUNKED!" | Josh |
| dadams | "By the way, my zipper got busted in the bathroom, so I'm wearing two safety pins on my fly." | Mr. Commins |
| bean | "You've been everywhere." "No. I haven't been to Nebraska." | Hannah & Molly |
| matchbox | "Pull down your pants." | Mr. Commins |
| ladyparadox | "Or worse, they could sit you next to a GAY person." "OH MY GOD, THEY CAN'T DO THAT. THEY'RE ILLEGAL." | My aunt and cousin Stephen. |
| ladyparadox | "When I used to come home looking like that, it was because I'd been smoking pot." | my mom |
| ladyparadox | "But they're so much fun to play with! Have you ever played with one? God someone take this thing away from me." | Miriam, on a, um, tampon. |
| khan | "There was a moment last night... when she was sandwiched between the two Finnish dwarves and the Maori tribesman... when I thought, I could really spend the rest of my life with this girl." | Derek Zoolander |
| dadams | "Hi there! I bumped my knee some place in the last half hour, and I don't know where!" | Br. Marvin |
| matchbox | "Half-Life 2, eh? That's one of those games that the 'pants around the ankles' crowd plays." | My dad |
| ladyparadox | "For Christmas, I asked Santa to be Ghetto." | Joan Callahan, age 5 |
| dadams | "Hah, that was quick... We went from Math to 8 year-old girls in Thailand in about 30 seconds..." | Mr. Commins |
| anna | "I feel as if I've been raped." | Umur, on the "stimulator" ride that he paid $24 for us to go on. |
| dadams | "It's like a video game! --Mr. Commins "This is the worst game, ever!" --Seabrook | PreCalc Class |
| dadams | "Saying 'vinculum' is the only fun I have in life. It's all I've got left." | Mr. Commins |
| ladyparadox | "Yeah, its a service day. If you don't go to the March for Life, your parents have to call in and say that you serviced them." | Libby Kuzma |
| anna | "Yeah, the little boy stuck his finger in the hole in the dike, and Holland was saved!!" | Libby, in history class. |
| dadams | "HOLES HOLES HOLES!" | Mr. Commins to us on our way down to the gym |
| khan | "Your ass has too much arc in it!" | Mr. Mann |
| khan | "You think it's gonna be the best fart ever, and then it's like, oh darn I pooed myself." | Ruben |
| khan | "I listen to Joy Division and I sometimes dress in black. Am I goth?" | "Michael" |
| khan | "I am 13 from Canada. Is it possible to be both preppy and gothic? I am going for that look." | "William" |
| ladyparadox | "I can see you about to ask a question, and I see how many times I can cut you off. Its like a game for me." | Ms. Khadduri |
| khan | "A man can only justify his actions if he regards his demeanor with deductive thinking. This man was not Oedipus, mainly because he was a fucking douche bag." | Mr. Freeman, in his college essay "Planes, Trains and Plantains: the Story of Oedipus" |
| ladyparadox | "Racism is a sign of uneducation." | Jack |
| khan | "Remember that old comic book character called the Human Torch, who could say the words 'flame on' and catch hisself on fire? ... I saw a guy do that the other day, only he didn't have no 'flame-on' superpowers or nothin. He was just a regular guy on fire." | Red Meat |
| khan | "The guy who lives in the apartment next door is kind of a weirdo. He was in the war, and I guess it made him crazy because he's always nervous and he screams every time he hears a loud noise. Too bad, because I got a lot of hammering to catch up on." | Red Meat |
| khan | "My advice is, never try to grab some little old guy and try to pick him up off the floor in the aisle of the pharmacy where you work. Even if he's all hunched over and looks like he weighs like sixty pounds, don't do it. "... especially if that old guy is a rabid chimp." | Red Meat |
| malleovic | "[Bush] Administration Foes Are Seemingly Everywhere; Dozens Are Arrested, Others Disappointed They're Not" | Washington Post Headline |
| malleovic | "Whoa! There's pie, cake, brownies, ice cream, and pie!" -Kevin "You said "pie" twice." -Kevin's sister "I really like pie." -Kevin | Best line in Are We There Yet? |
| malleovic | "Jim Henson has been in HELL for 14 years, 8 months and 6 days!" | Godhatesrags.com |
| ladyparadox | "Patriotism? What is this patriotism? We do not have this in my country." | Paula |
| ladyparadox | "My shoes ARE sexy. Really. Like, see that on my shoe? THAT IS NOT SNOW!!" | Robbie |
| ladyparadox | "Hey, Bandong....if you reverse your name, its 'Dan Bong'. That's the COOLEST NAME EVER." | Robbie |
| colonel_e | "Posers quote poets, snobs quote Shakespeare, cynics quote sitcoms, and idiots quote themselves." | Le Roi en Jaune |
| colonel_e | "We're having a very civil war, aren't we?" | Le Roi en Jaune |
| ladyparadox | "Don't smoke while pregnant. Your baby will be a 'Tard." | Ms Greywall |
| dadams | "I've seen psycho sex; it's not pretty." | McCarthy |
| khan | Me: Is that a six or a five? Rendelman: Well, in this class we have a number called 'sive.' | Discussion in AB |
| cb201 | "Bowes, don't be a butthole." | McCarthy |
| malleovic | "Half-angels and Half-demons living among men. They call it the balance. I call it hypocritical bullshit." | Constantine |
| al-kufr | Simon: *holds up a cross* Vampire: Sorry, sport. I'm an athiest. Simon: *stabs vampire in the face with the cross* God loves you anyway. | Simon, Dracula 2000 |
| al-kufr | "I just talked to my doctor, and I found out that I'm impotent. But it's ok, because I just saved a ton of money on car insurance by switching to Geico." | Joe Williams |
| dadams | "He's a drummer. He's on drugs." | Fr. Peter, about Paul |
| dadams | "Tim did a funny rap." | Mr. Commins |
| dadams | "It's just wigglin' in there, hardly moving at all." | Mr. Commins |
| dadams | "If you were to shout 'FUCK YOU!!!' at the top of your lungs, that might get everyone's attention." | Seabrook to Mr. Commins |
| matchbox | "If [Ashton Kutcher] makes Paris Hilton cry, I'd laugh, then I'd cheer, then I'd touch myself." | Elliot |
| dadams | "If you're a newbie, start with an easy class like Soldier. Also, don't shoot people on your own team. It strips their armor away and makes them hate you." | Planet Half-Life: Team Fortress Classic webpage |
| khan | "It is unclear whether the use of mutated rodent-like creatures with vaguely disturbing facial features will motivate consumers to order food products." | The entry on Joel Veitch's Quizno spongmonkeys at Wikipedia |
| khan | "Brendan Fraser, The Rock... and a cast of thousands... of mummies!" | ad on USA network |
| dadams | "The next person to say 'Chewbacca' will be expelled from St. Anselm's Abbey School." | Mr. Commins |
| Malleovic | "This is why you don't screw around in lab and pour hydrochloric acid into the sink!" | Dr. Loveland, yelling at us for Kenny's royal fuckup. |
| khan | Kalev: Couldn't you just say that the cotangent equals (x+1)? Hummer: If you're gay... | Discussion in AB Precalc |
| khan | Seabrook: Sure, it induces vomiting, but it's a good kind of vomiting. Elliot: The kind of vomiting that takes you by the hand and says "there, there." | |
| matchbox | TheDadamz: ahahaha trying to determine what girls are thinking TheDadamz: haha TheDadamz: that's like trying to pee out of your nose | |